From YA Weekly
Frustrated with Modern Dating Culture? 3 Things You Need to Know
The author lives in Montréal, Québec, Canada.
I’ve learned a few tricks that can help us date with love and not fear.
I love dating. I love love.
And the gospel is a plan of love and happiness. But sometimes, when trying to date and find the right person to marry, dating culture can cause roadblocks.
For example, here in Montréal, we have a tight-knit group of young adults. If you go on one date with someone, others talk about it, and it’s hard to get to know people romantically without it seeming serious.
As I’ve been going on dates with different people, I’ve heard rumors like, “Nina is hunting for a husband. She’s desperate to get married!” But that’s not true—I’ve just been trying to be more intentional in the dating sphere. Building a family is one of my priorities in life.
Dating intentionally doesn’t mean that you are desperate—it’s just about putting in effort to see what relationships Heavenly Father can potentially lead you to. As President Russell M. Nelson (1924–2025) said, “The Lord loves effort.”
If you’ve been feeling stuck when it comes to dating, you’re not alone. Here are three things to do as you try to be intentional in your dating:
1. Know Who You Are
I feel like some of us don’t know who we are. We don’t know how to be ourselves, what our goals are, or how to make decisions with confidence. Who we are shapes our lives, our priorities, and our values.
Elder Ronald A. Rasband of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles asked:
“‘What things do you ponder?’ ‘What things really matter to you?’ ‘What are the things of your soul?’
“The things of our souls are often clarified and deepened by asking questions.”
During college, my social media marketing classes taught me all about finding my audience and building my brand identity. This can apply to life too! This doesn’t mean creating a fake persona—it means being yourself, growing, and learning how you can genuinely connect with others.
When we live as disciples of Jesus Christ, we know what our values are. We all make the same covenants and follow the same commandments. And what’s cool about this is that personalities and interests aside, when we share values in a world full of diverse interests and views, we can mesh well with other disciples of Christ in dating.
When you let your divine identity shape your life, you will find others who are doing the same.
2. Know What You Want
I date with intention because I have a goal to get married eventually.
President Nelson encouraged us “to begin with the end in mind.” Beginning with the end in mind in dating means knowing your goals. What is the intent of a date? Hopefully to find out if you see potential for a relationship that can lead to marriage. But are your goals shared? Are your personality traits and interests compatible? Ask yourself these types of questions!
To figure out what qualities to look for, develop them in yourself, focus on Heavenly Father, and stand in places where other holy people will be (like institute, church, and YSA activities and conferences).
Elder Jeremy R. Jaggi of the Seventy gave young adults this advice: “If we seek [God], we’ll be drawn to others who are also seeking Him. This is essential to developing strong, lasting friendships and marriages.”
3. Know How to Interact with Others
In this socially isolated world, I like to remember the advice given to missionaries to make eye contact, smile at people, and ask others questions about themselves.
Being glued to phones has affected the way that we interact with others. And even if you do want to talk to people, anxiety and fear can get in the way.
Elder Neil L. Andersen of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: “My first advice to you is to be courageous. Push yourself to develop one-on-one friendships. You don’t need to think every friendship will necessarily develop into romance, but much will be discovered in the one-on-one interaction.”
Getting to know other people can be intimidating, but being willing to step out of your comfort zone will eventually help you find who you’re looking for.
I feel a lot of joy in being single right now, but as much as I love my life, there are righteous desires that I’m working toward—one being eternal marriage. I know that as I keep building relationships with others, making choices that will lead to a good future, and trusting the Lord, my righteous desires will be fulfilled.