From the Mission Field
How to Manage Romantic Feelings on Your Mission
Turning to Heavenly Father can help us cope with romantic feelings on a mission.
We start our missions ready to put our lives on hold for God. But how do we stay true to our commitments if we start having romantic thoughts and feelings as missionaries?
Romantic thoughts and feelings may cause you distress as a missionary. But you can trust in the Lord that the request for missionaries to sacrifice romantic thoughts and feelings during the mission exists for a specific purpose—to help us consecrate our service, submit our wills to God, and give our all in His service.
No matter how distracted you fear you have become, know that you can still serve with all your heart, might, mind, and strength as you turn to God for help.
A Time and a Season
Remember that you aren’t a sinner because of your romantic feelings. Love for others is given to us by God and is an attribute of godliness. But it needs to be acted on appropriately and at the right time.
The scriptures remind us that “to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven,” including “a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 5).
Because you have been set apart for missionary service, your mission is a season to dedicate your thoughts, time, and energy to your service. It is a time to refrain from other passions and pastimes, like flirting and dating, that do not help further that work.
To refocus your energy on God’s work, turn to Him in prayer for strength and guidance as you create and follow through with a plan that will work for you.
Making a Plan
Start forming your plan by reviewing the section “Managing Sexual or Romantic Feelings” (under “Resources for Managing Social Demands”) in Adjusting to Missionary Life for ideas and to help you know where you can go for help if the problem worsens.
Service missionaries may not date and should “be careful not to participate in any activity or behavior that could be misinterpreted as flirting or dating.” “If you feel yourself being sexually attracted to someone, contact your bishop or stake president and seek his counsel.” Your mission leaders can also offer guidance.
Teaching missionaries are counseled to “always stay with [their] companion and never be alone with a member of the opposite sex. If you feel yourself being attracted to someone, contact the mission president and seek his counsel.” Being with your companion can help you stay accountable and obedient as you choose to avoid compromising situations together.
All missionaries are asked to “avoid places, circumstances, conversations, or people that provoke temptation.” Ask yourself what you can do in each of these areas to avoid romantic temptations. This could involve setting specific boundaries for yourself, such as not talking one-on-one with your romantic interest. If your romantic interest is violating your boundaries and making you break the mission rules, you may need to communicate your boundaries with them and be firm.
Throughout this process, you may find yourself trying to stop all romantic thoughts to be obedient. While limiting these thoughts is the ideal, focusing all your energy on this is often not helpful. Remember that the purpose of a mission isn’t to not think about romance; it’s to think of Heavenly Father, serve the Savior Jesus Christ, and invite others to come unto Them.
As the Savior promised, “If your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you” (Doctrine and Covenants 88:67). Focusing less on stopping romantic thoughts and more on inviting Christ-centered thoughts will more easily help you focus on your purpose as a missionary.
A Broken Heart and a Contrite Spirit
I overcame my romantic distraction only a month before my mission ended. I was afraid that it was too late to make up for my months of distracted service. How could one month be worth anything?
After many prayers, the Spirit assured me that I was forgiven for my distractions during my service. Through a general conference talk, He helped me recognize all the good I had accomplished despite my mistakes. Elder Vern P. Stanfill of the Seventy said, “Whatever our best-but-imperfect offering is, the Savior can make it perfect.”
My choice to turn to God brought me closer to my Savior. It taught me how to receive the blessings of His Atonement, and it can do the same for you. Though I had struggled to sacrifice my romantic feelings, I offered to Jesus Christ a broken heart and contrite spirit as I relied on Him to help me overcome something I couldn’t on my own.
As you seek His help in your journey to become a consecrated missionary, ask Him how He sees your service. I know you will find tender mercies in your life that show you that God loves you and accepts your sacrifice as you offer the best you can. The Savior will make up the difference.