5 Ways to Process Any Less-Than-Happy Mission Memories
Returning from a mission is a significant life transition, and it’s normal to feel unsettled.
When we picture a mission, we might imagine life-changing moments, heart-centered service, and deep spiritual growth. And we might also imagine some tough times—which we picture ourselves effortlessly rising above.
But what happens when your mission doesn’t go the way you planned? What if you come home feeling disappointed, confused, or even less confident than before?
Here’s the truth: Some missions don’t go completely as expected (although extreme situations are very rare). In fact, because of the complex nature of missions, it’s not uncommon for returned missionaries to face complicated questions.
Some might wonder:
“Did I do enough?”
“Why do I feel more uncertain now than before?”
Or even, “Why, after sacrificing so much, am I not as happy as I expected?”
If life after the mission is tough, you might also ask, “How do I find the promised blessings from my service?”
These feelings are valid, and you’re not alone. Here are a few ideas to consider as you process any less-than-happy mission experiences:
1. Seek Guidance from the Right People
It’s important to talk to someone who can help you process your experience in a healthy way and turn to Jesus Christ—like trusted friends, Church leaders, or a counselor.
Avoid those who might judge your feelings or those who place all the blame on your mission itself. Instead, find someone who strikes a helpful balance—someone who helps you reflect on your experiences without shame while encouraging personal agency and responsibility.
President Russell M. Nelson taught: “Take your questions to the Lord and to other faithful sources. Study with the desire to believe rather than with the hope that you can find a flaw.”
With the Savior, you can create meaning from your mission, no matter how difficult your experiences might have been. I’ve talked to returned missionaries who waited years to process and work through difficult mission experiences. But holding on to pain isn’t necessary—don’t wait years to start. You can begin healing now through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
2. Allow Yourself to Grieve
It’s OK to feel sadness if your mission didn’t go quite how you expected it to. This kind of grief—acknowledging what didn’t go as planned—can be healing. Thoughts like “That didn’t go the way I expected, and that’s OK” can help you accept reality, feel and process sadness, and move forward.
On the other hand, thoughts like “Something must be wrong with me” can lead to frustration and keep you stuck. Accepting your experience and emotions as they are, without blame, opens the door to healing.
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles testified, “I have learned that if we draw near to God and reach out to touch Him, we can indeed find healing, peace, and joy.”
3. Own Your Thoughts and Feelings
How you feel about your mission is shaped by the thoughts you focus on. Try writing down your thoughts about your mission. Which ones bring you peace? Which ones bring you discouragement?
Your agency includes not only your actions but also your thoughts. By gradually changing how you think about your mission, you can shift how you feel about it. Healing starts with this internal change—one thought at a time, but only when you’re ready.
4. Choose Charity and Forgiveness
You may have interacted with people—companions, leaders, or others—whose actions were disappointing or hurtful. It’s important to remember that their behavior reflects their own struggles, not your worth. Everyone experiences stress, pressure, and emotions that sometimes lead to poor behavior. While this doesn’t excuse it, recognizing that their actions weren’t about you can help you let go of resentment. Doing so frees you to move forward with peace.
President Nelson also taught: “I invite you to seek an end to a personal conflict that has weighed you down. Could there be a more fitting act of gratitude to Jesus Christ for His Atonement? If forgiveness presently seems impossible, plead for power through the atoning blood of Jesus Christ to help you. As you do so, I promise personal peace and a burst of spiritual momentum.”
5. Be Kind to Yourself
Returning from a mission is a significant life transition, and it’s normal to feel unsettled. The way you’re feeling makes sense. So instead of judging yourself, practice self-compassion. Be patient with yourself, and trust that as you turn to the Savior and tap into the power He has given you to change and grow, He will help you find the healing and closure you seek.
Remember, it’s often in the unexpected moments that the deepest growth occurs. As you seek help, learn to be patient with yourself and others, and “lean not unto [your] own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5), peace is available to you.
Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ trust you, and you can trust Them and Their plan of happiness, which has always included soul-stretching and challenging moments.
You can learn to soften disappointment by feeling understanding, kindness, and compassion—the same understanding, kindness, and compassion that our Savior has for you.