Perfectionism Was Stopping My Progress. Here’s What I Did About It

For most of my life, I was an outstanding student and dutiful daughter. I prided myself on my ability to balance work, school, and family.

I struggled with anxiety behind the scenes but didn’t want anyone to realize how close I was to falling apart. This perfectionism hit an unbearable height during my junior year of college.

I was drowning in my course load. My grades weren’t as good as they were in high school. I was taking on extra hours at work. My Church calling slipped through the cracks.

I felt like a complete and total failure.

On top of that, I was too afraid to ask for help. I couldn’t admit—to myself, to others, and to God—that my life had gotten so far out of my control.

Elder Vern P. Stanfill of the Seventy once warned: “Perfectionism requires an impossible, self-inflicted standard that compares us to others. This causes guilt and anxiety and can make us want to withdraw and isolate ourselves.” And I was learning that lesson the hard way.

I believed I should’ve been able to handle everything that was put in my path. When I didn’t, I felt all-consuming guilt that kept me from turning to my Heavenly Father when I needed Him most.

I couldn’t progress in any area of my life.

But hope wasn’t lost. As Elder Gerrit W. Gong of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, “Through spiritual transformation in Jesus Christ, we can escape debilitating perfectionism.”

After one particularly difficult day, I felt prompted to go to the temple and perform baptisms for the dead.

There in the baptismal font, I felt a love so powerful I was overcome with tears.

I looked back on my own baptism and how happy I had been to be made clean through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. After I’d walked out of the baptismal font, my mom had asked me how I felt. Soaking wet and visibly shivering, I’d responded with the innocent words of an eight-year-old: “Mom, I feel so warm inside.”

That day in the temple, I realized I’d become so focused on being perfect by my own merit that I was actively denying myself the opportunity to be perfected in Christ (see Moroni 10:32–33). I felt a powerful confirmation that I can have that same warm feeling every day. If I repent regularly, I can be made perfect through Jesus Christ and His Atonement (see John 17:23).

From that day forward, I committed to change.

I started earnestly praying again. It wasn’t easy—especially in the beginning—but I became more comfortable as I strengthened my relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

I also sought a deeper understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, focusing on the eternal truth that the Savior will intercede on our behalf when we are truly repentant.

Perfectionism completely undermines the purpose of mortality. If we’re sent to earth to learn to be like Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ (see Alma 12:24), how can we expect to already be like Them? If we were truly perfect, we wouldn’t need a Savior or His infinite Atonement.

The Savior doesn’t abandon us, even when we feel insufficient or imperfect. As President Russell M. Nelson shared, “The Savior suffered ‘pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind’ [Alma 7:11] so that He can comfort us, heal us, rescue us in times of need.”

I’ve learned that Christ wants us to turn to Him now, no matter how unprepared we feel. As we strengthen that relationship, He will help us overcome our imperfections.

I’d be lying if I said I don’t still grapple with perfectionism. But now I catch myself feeling “warm inside” whenever I give my best effort to the Lord, no matter how imperfect.

If you feel your efforts as a disciple, student, employee, friend, or family member aren’t enough, know that you aren’t a lost cause. You can heal by focusing on the Savior. Perfectionism may be a thief of progress, but the Savior is the key to peace.

Turn to Him, and you will see progress in your life.