Repentance Isn’t Only About Overcoming Sin

Before my mission, my life wasn’t perfect, but it was good. I loved college and had just formed the best friendship I’ve ever had. I was pretty happy.

I knew that serving a mission would be challenging. Still, I had this expectation that serving a mission would be the best 18 months of my life—with minimal hardship.

But six months in, my friend’s wedding became the newest entry in a list of hard things I hadn’t expected. Moving to a foreign country and learning a new language made me lonely and anxious. The rejection I experienced as part of missionary life was mentally exhausting. Honestly, I just wanted to go home.

I was tired and frustrated, and I didn’t feel like God was offering me the hope and happiness that I desperately needed. Only after exhausting every other option did I turn to a promise from my patriarchal blessing: that I would feel Heavenly Father’s love through the scriptures.

As I searched the scriptures, I found myself relating deeply to the story of Eve. She was cast out of paradise and into a dark and dreary wilderness, which was sort of how I felt. Similar to my experience, Eve’s transition had come because of a specific choice. I wondered if she ever regretted her choice, like I was starting to regret my choice to serve.

But Eve had a much wiser perspective than me. Though she’d essentially lost everything, when she learned that she had a Savior, she “was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we … never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption” (Moses 5:11).

She didn’t regret her choice. She was grateful for it! Even though she and Adam had been cast out from paradise, the joy of being redeemed was sweeter than the pain of her loss. In fact, it seemed like redemption had brought her even more joy than if she hadn’t needed to be redeemed at all.

How could that be?

We might think that repentance is only for removing sins and bad behaviors from our lives. That removal process can be difficult and occasionally painful, making it easy to attach a negative connotation to the word.

But repentance isn’t just about becoming less sinful. It’s also about becoming more Christlike.

Turning to Him—changing our attitudes and aligning our perspectives with His—is a form of repentance too.

I realized that in my anger and loneliness, my perspective had become narrow. I’d been so focused on what I was missing that I’d failed to see what I had gained: a closer relationship with my Savior.

I realized I needed to repent for my poor attitude. It took time, but as I pleaded for my Redeemer’s help, I was reassured that “in this life I shall have joy” (Moses 5:10).

I was still sad that I missed my friend’s wedding, but in time, the Lord answered my prayers. I was so happy for my friend, and I found so much joy in my testimony that Heavenly Father really does see and love every one of His children. I gained so much more than I missed out on.

Sister Kristin M. Yee, Second Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency, taught, “Repenting allows us to feel God’s love and to know and love Him in ways we would never otherwise know.”

Because of repentance, I now know that as I draw near to Christ, “he will make [my] wilderness like Eden, and [my] desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness shall be found therein” (Isaiah 51:3).

When I returned home from my mission, I didn’t return to paradise. Post-mission life is a new wilderness for me to cultivate. It’s not easy, and sometimes I still miss my life before my mission.

But I know that because of Christ, my joy will be made deeper in the knowledge of my redemption.