Especially for Newlyweds
Balancing Cultural Differences in Our Marriage
Focusing on Christ helps me know who I am and who I can become in my marriage.
My husband and I grew up in different countries. Different continents, actually.
So, as you might guess, there were several differences we each brought to the table when we started our marriage: habits, mannerisms, views on life. Even aside from our cultural differences, we are quite different in many other ways. While this would sometimes be stressful, we both knew that those differences paled in comparison to what we had in common: our love of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
While we were planning our wedding, we talked pretty extensively about what our marriage dynamic would look like. It turned out we had different expectations for how we would navigate our roles as husband and wife—and eventually as parents—and that stressed me out.
The Family: A Proclamation to the World says, “Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.”
There are many additional ways to fulfill our roles as spouses based on our personalities and individual experiences. But while preparing for marriage and creating my own family, I needed to learn who God needed me to be—and become—as a spouse and as a person.
Who Am I as a Spouse?
While planning our wedding, I often wondered how our marriage would be influenced by my and my husband’s different cultures and experiences, both in the immediate and far-off future.
But as I kept pondering, one general conference talk kept coming to mind: “The Culture of Christ” by Elder William K. Jackson of the Seventy. In this talk, he describes how when we are living the Savior’s gospel and striving to be like Him, we create a Christlike culture in our homes, among our peers, and everywhere we find ourselves. He said, “The culture of Christ helps us to see ourselves as we really are, and when seen through the lens of eternity, tempered with righteousness, it serves to increase our ability to fulfill the great plan of happiness.”
“Who am I as a wife?” I would ask myself as a newlywed. But the question I really needed to ask was “Who does Heavenly Father want me to be?” I wanted to work to bring the best version of myself, with God’s help, to the table and create a marriage focused on Jesus Christ.
For us, we had to adapt our partnership based on differences in culture and how we were raised. We also found that circumstances can change frequently, and we needed to adapt our dynamic to each situation.
Adapting to Each Other
We not only needed to adjust to our ever-changing situation—we also needed to adapt to each other. And we are still adapting! As our lives continue to change, so do we.
As someone who holds her childhood and family close to her heart, it was difficult for me to adapt to my husband’s traditions at first. And it was the same for him. We would sometimes have heated discussions about who was more “right”—sometimes it would even come down to things like the way we cleaned the kitchen sink.
I soon realized, however, that being right is almost never more important than being in harmony with your spouse. The contention and horrible feelings left after an argument were never worth doing things my way. I needed to adapt not just to living with my husband but to creating a whole new life—together with him. We began combining both our cultures (our nationalities and family cultures) to create our own.
How did we create our own family culture centered on the Savior? How are we still creating one?
We sacrifice our pride. We offer understanding and empathy instead of trying to “win” arguments. We remember what our priorities are: to love and respect each other in a Christlike way, to keep the Spirit abiding in our home by avoiding contention.
My husband and I are still both learning daily about who we are individually and as a couple. While both our various experiences and cultures before marriage are valid, the most important culture that can help us understand who we are is a culture focused on Jesus Christ.
The Culture of Christ in Marriage
And what is the culture of Christ, really? Elder Jackson said it “serves to increase our ability to fulfill the great plan of happiness,” but what does that mean?
To me, the culture of Christ is a culture of the process of becoming. It means seeing potential in myself and others, especially in my marriage. I haven’t been married long, but it’s been long enough to know that marriage has been one of the best ways Heavenly Father has helped me become a better person and disciple of Christ.
Whatever new situations and circumstances you’re learning to navigate in your marriage, know that when you cling to your covenants and offer your spouse charity, forgiveness, and support, you will find Christ in your relationship.