Digital Only: Young Adults
Being a Disciple of Christ When the World Says, “Be True to Yourself”
The author lives in New Mexico, USA.
Jesus Christ showed me how to accept my experiences with same-sex attraction and have a place in His gospel.
When I came out as bisexual a few years ago, I felt like I was facing an ultimatum: stay “true” to my sexual orientation and leave the Church (according to the world’s view) or deny my experience and stay faithful.
I wanted to align with Heavenly Father’s will. However, as I grew up, I also heard LGBT issues in and out of the Church talked about with negative feelings and harsh judgments, so I felt conflicted. I always wondered: How could I be both a member of the Church of Jesus Christ and experience same-sex attraction?
After years of trying to ignore my feelings, I couldn’t deny my experiences. But I didn’t know where that left me as a disciple of Christ. I grappled with this question: If God exists and loves me and has a plan for me, and if His plan of happiness involves marriage between a man and a woman only, then why am I attracted to women and men?
I was so confused.
During this time of unanswered questions, friends outside of the Church told me I should abandon my faith to “follow my heart.” I considered this at times—I already felt like I didn’t belong at church with all my questions. My family and loved ones showed love and support when I told them about my experiences, but I still felt so much uncertainty about what to do.
Finding God’s Love
There were moments throughout this challenging time when I wondered if I really was one of Heavenly Father’s children, if He loved me, and if I had a place in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
As I sought Him more diligently than ever, I eventually did feel His love for me. I looked back at spiritual times in life, like my baptism day, moments in the temple, and other spiritual experiences. I couldn’t deny Heavenly Father’s love for me. I could feel that He is fully aware of my circumstances and that no matter what I am experiencing in mortality, I have a divine nature.
President Russell M. Nelson taught: “I assure you that our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, love you. They are intimately aware of your circumstances, your goodness, your needs, and your prayers for help. Again and again, I pray for you to feel Their love for you.”
With the truth of God’s love in mind, I still wanted to know why I experience same-sex attraction.
Understanding Our Purpose
I pondered God’s love for me, studied my patriarchal blessing, kept going to church, read my scriptures, and pored over every gospel resource on same-sex attraction. I prayed and prayed some more to learn more about why I was experiencing something that seemed so contrary to Heavenly Father’s plan. I wanted to know what it could mean for my discipleship.
Not all of us may have a clear answer to our deep, heartfelt questions until the next life. I may never know the exact answer of why I’m attracted to women, but the Spirit has whispered to me that just like any experience we have in mortality, this specific experience could help me learn, grow, deepen my faith in Jesus Christ, and help others on their unique mortal journeys.
I felt like all my unanswerable questions about my experiences and the gospel snapped into place. I’m not saying it instantly became easy to follow all of God’s commandments and that everything made sense, but I realized that all of our experiences in mortality can contribute to helping us gain greater faith in Jesus Christ.
Heavenly Father wants each of His children to know they are loved perfectly, and no matter what unique experiences they have, He wants them to choose to come to know Him, to seek Jesus Christ, and to help His other children navigate their unique journeys.
God Has a Plan for Us
I no longer feel shame about experiencing bisexuality. I really don’t. I know I’m a daughter of God and that He loves me and is aware of my circumstances, and I’m grateful for my experiences. Because of them, I’ve grown in so many ways, especially in my capacity to exercise faith in Jesus Christ.
I know that God has promised enormous blessings and exaltation to those who follow His commandments.
I don’t understand everything about God’s eternal plan. I don’t know exactly how everything is supposed to work out for everyone. But I have faith and trust that because Heavenly Father has our best interests at heart, everything will make sense one day.
As I’ve chosen to follow Jesus Christ, I’ve felt His presence more and more in my life. Not everything is easy, and I don’t expect it to be. But I’ve felt the power of the Spirit and His guidance, even through pandemics, hurricanes, family emergencies, major life decisions, and disappointments. I’ve received the blessings of the temple and found great joy inside those walls, including the miracle of being sealed to my husband, Dallin.
President Nelson also testified, “When you yoke yourself to Jesus Christ and do the spiritual work required to overcome the world, He, and He alone, does have the power to lift you above the pull of this world.”
My life has been forever changed because of my choice to stick with the gospel. The world may say that we don’t belong in the gospel of Jesus Christ if we have experiences that seem contrary to Heavenly Father’s plan. But I’ve always belonged here—we all do. I’m true to myself as I’m true to my divine identity.
As Elder Ulisses Soares of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “My dear friends, when we choose to let God be the most powerful influence in our life over our self-serving pursuits, we can make progress in our discipleship and increase our capacity to unite our mind and heart with the Savior.”
We all have unique experiences that can help us learn, grow, love each other, and build the Church of Jesus Christ. That truth has strengthened my discipleship and my desire to stay on the covenant path.