Is Pride Stopping You from Being a Loving Spouse?

President Ezra Taft Benson (1899–1994) taught that pride can manifest as “self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness.” But the core of the sin is “enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means ‘hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.’”

This definition of pride—as much as I hate to admit it—made me realize that I am prideful, in the sense that I’m often in opposition to my husband. Even small decisions can turn into heated discussions that end with both of our feelings hurt.

For example, I’ve caught myself thinking, “I’m tired, so he can just cook dinner tonight,” without considering that my husband might be just as tired—or more tired—than I am. This thinking usually leads to a “who’s more tired” contest, which just leaves both of us annoyed—and still hungry.

I absolutely love my husband, but by virtue of being human, neither of us are perfect. We both do our best, but there are moments when we still let pride come between us.

So how do we overcome pride?

In God’s counsel to Emma Smith, He suggests that the antidote to pride is “the spirit of meekness.”

Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught, “Meekness is an attribute developed through desire, the righteous exercise of moral agency, and striving always to retain a remission of our sins.”

In a marriage, meekness can look like calmly listening to each other’s side of the story, admitting and apologizing quickly when you’ve done wrong, being slow to anger, and being quick to forgive.

Something that helps my husband and I during contentious conversations is taking time to calm down and allow the Spirit to be with us. Humbling ourselves and doing our best to work together—rather than against each other—makes a huge difference.

One Sunday, a member of our stake presidency and his wife taught us about “pest control” in our marriages. One of the things they encouraged us to do was express love for each other every day.

Similarly, President Russell M. Nelson (1924–2025) counseled, “‘If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy’ [Articles of Faith 1:13] that we can say about another person—whether to his face or behind her back—that should be our standard of communication.”

This applies especially to a marriage relationship.

Pay attention to the things your spouse has going on, and be their biggest cheerleader. Delight in them and their accomplishments. Speak highly of them to their face and to others. You might find that these small actions lead to greater love!

Now, not a day goes by that I don’t tell my husband that I love him, and he does the same to me. The more we express our love for one another, the less room there is for contention and pride in our relationship.

In your journey to overcome pride and become the best husband or wife that you can be, rely on Jesus Christ. Use the gift of His Atonement to help you as you repent and strive to cultivate more love in your marriage.

As Mormon taught, “The remission of sins bringeth meekness, and lowliness of heart; and because of meekness and lowliness of heart cometh the visitation of the Holy Ghost, which Comforter filleth with hope and perfect love” (Moroni 8:26).

My reliance on Christ has led me to speak kinder, forgive quicker, and love louder in my relationship with my husband.

Building a lasting, loving marriage takes work and time. I still have a lot to learn. But I know that with Christ, I can become the loving wife that I want to be!