Seeing Myself in the Family Proclamation

Photographs by Stephen Neilsen

Reading “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” in a more purposeful way has helped me understand why leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints often speak on the role of the family. I realize that even those of us who do not enjoy an ideal family situation can still sustain and defend the principles found in the proclamation.

For as long as I can remember, I have experienced same-sex attraction. I felt validated when Elder Neil L. Andersen of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles called it “a whirlwind of enormous velocity.” I feel a lot of uncertainty about my life. Nevertheless, my situation drove me to seek a greater understanding from the Lord of the family proclamation and how I spiritually belong in God’s plan.

I was already familiar with the family proclamation’s many teachings. I felt affirmed when I would hear talks about the sacred nature of marriage between a man and a woman. Because I was blessed with a mother and a father who honored marital vows, respected each other as equal partners, and taught their children the gospel, I recognized those same patterns in the family proclamation. I was also comforted with the proclamation’s provision for those who may have different family arrangements because of a variety of circumstances.

I prayed. I attended the temple. I read the proclamation increasingly with more intent. As I wondered what it had to do with society, certain phrases and paragraphs in the family proclamation stood out to me.

“Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.” This helped me see that by birthright, children deserve a father and a mother, although that does not happen in all situations.

I take comfort in the prophetic teachings regarding those who do not have an ideal family situation. Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said:

“To declare the fundamental truths relative to marriage and family is not to overlook or diminish the sacrifices and successes of those for whom the ideal is not a present reality. …

“Even so, everyone has gifts; everyone has talents; everyone can contribute to the unfolding of the divine plan in each generation.”

I also read the warnings toward the end of the proclamation: “We warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.” I can see how the breakdown and undermining of the family have led to much confusion and many tragedies.

Divine Nature, Destiny, and Identity

The family proclamation helps me know that by virtue of being a son of God, I belong in His kingdom. In part, this is because of the witness of the Holy Ghost I have received in connection with gospel teachings on the family. Those teachings speak to my own worth as an individual: “Each [human being] is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.”

I remember when I prayed and received the answer for myself. I knew that I needed to support efforts to preserve marriage as defined between a man and a woman. I still have questions. Those questions, however, are swallowed up in the knowledge of my divine identity. I view my questions as sacred as I wait upon the Lord for further understanding and direction.

Staying close to Him and to my covenants has allowed me to see how my experiences in this life have blessed me. Complementary to the family unit are opportunities for friendship, brotherhood, sisterhood, and other forms of connection that are in harmony with the gospel.

Surrounding myself with others who face similar situations but who are committed to the gospel has shown me that desires for companionship can be channeled and fulfilled in morally righteous ways. As the prophet Alma said, “Bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love” (Alma 38:12). Certainly, friendship is a place to put some of that love, for single people and married people alike.

I am thankful for the family proclamation and for the inspiration that brought it into being. It has brought me a sense of peace and understanding. Even as a single man in the Church, I try to live up to its principles with the testimony I have now, knowing I have a place in the family of God.

The author lives in Utah.