Especially For Newlyweds
Husbands and Wives: Helping Each Other Overcome a Pornography-Filled World
An interview with a couple that has struggled with pornography—and how they’re supporting each other.
Pornography is just about everywhere in today’s digital world.
Henry and Annalyn Sorensen have been married for two years, and they both struggled with pornography before getting married. They share some of their suggestions for supporting each other against the daily bombardment of pornography.
How did you approach pornography issues while you were preparing for marriage?
Annalyn: Communicating openly about pornography has been the most important approach for us. Even though it’s an uncomfortable subject, we have committed to not hiding our struggles from each other.
Henry: When we were dating, we were very open about our pornography use. I let Annalyn know that when I was a teenager, I was exposed to pornography on social media and over time developed a habit of pornography use. I’d since stopped the habit and was working on repenting daily, but I needed to let Annalyn know that pornography was still something I was actively working to avoid and overcome.
Annalyn: In return, I told Henry that in high school I had been exposed to lots of explicit sexual content in books. At first, I hadn’t realized that pornography could come in the form of written content. But it was just as damaging to me, and I eventually started to seek it out. At one point, I realized the effect it was having on me and talked to my dad (who was also my bishop). With Jesus Christ’s help, I was able to repent and move forward.
How did that foundation of communication help you when you got married?
Henry: When we decided to get married, we also decided that we needed to do more than just talk about our problems. We made very specific plans for how we were going to support each other in our fight against pornography.
Annalyn: Because of the world we live in, we know we can’t realistically expect that neither of us will ever encounter pornography again. But we can trust that we will always be honest about our exposure and use.
Henry: We’ve also learned together about Christ’s grace and how He helps us overcome our weaknesses. President Russell M. Nelson’s words have helped us: “When we choose to repent, we choose to change! We allow the Savior to transform us into the best version of ourselves. We choose to grow spiritually and receive joy—the joy of redemption in Him. When we choose to repent, we choose to become more like Jesus Christ!”
What plans have you made to protect yourselves from pornography?
Henry: We’ve noticed that we tend to be in one of three levels with how we’re doing with pornography, and we’ve made plans for what we’re going to do when we’re in each of these three levels. The first level, Green, is our everyday life. The plans we make there tend to be ways to minimize exposure and temptation.
Annalyn: The second level, Yellow, is for when we’re feeling more vulnerable or tempted. When we notice that we’re in Yellow, we increase our defenses so that we don’t go seeking out pornographic content.
Henry: The third level, Red, is if we’re actively struggling with pornography use. We maintain the plans from each of the previous levels, but we take further steps to help overcome the habit, like attending the Church’s addiction recovery meetings or meeting with the bishop. These are both great resources (even though neither of us are addicts) and have both helped us in the past.
Annalyn: We’ve included an example of our plans in the table below. Your plans will look different, but hopefully this gives you a framework for your own plans and defenses.
What encouragement would you give to other couples who struggle with pornography use?
Annalyn: While we will never fully escape pornography in this world, we do our best to support each other in our efforts to avoid and overcome it. By communicating honestly and following the plans we’ve made, Henry and I have been able to build trust and give each other the help we need when we’re struggling.
Henry: As President Jeffrey R. Holland, Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, said about pornography: “When we face such temptations in our time, we must declare, as young Nephi did in his, ‘[I will] give place no more for the enemy of my soul’ [2 Nephi 4:28]. We can reject the evil one. If we want it dearly and deeply enough, that enemy can and will be rebuked by the redeeming power of the Lord Jesus Christ. Furthermore, I promise you that the light of His everlasting gospel can and will again shine brightly where you feared life had gone hopelessly, helplessly dark.”
Staying strong against pornography isn’t easy, but it is possible. You can strengthen each other and find respite from the storm as you take the steps necessary to protect yourselves against the adversary.