Read: Parents Speaking on Discipline

Moderator: Thank you for coming to our Conference on the Family. In this session, a panel of parents will share their opinions about discipline with us. On the right, we have Mrs. Wood. She is the mother of four children, ages 8 years to 14 months. In the center is Mr. Miller. He has five children, ages 12 to 2. On the left, we have Mrs. Beal, mother of three children, ages 9 to 3. Today we’re going to start with Mrs. Wood. In your opinion, what is the best method of discipline?

Mrs. Wood: Well, this may be somewhat controversial, but my husband and I believe that spanking works best in changing negative behavior.

Moderator: Interesting, and what makes you feel that way?

Mrs. Wood: Our reasons for spanking come mostly from experience. Our parents spanked us, and we turned out ok. Also, we have found that with our own children, spanking works quickest and best to change negative behavior. Of course, we do have some parameters that we follow. First of all, we never spank a child until he is at least 2 years old. At that age he/she can reason a little about right and wrong behavior. Second, we never spank if we are angry. We take time to cool off before administering the punishment. Third, we try reasoning with the child first. If that doesn’t work, we spank. Finally, we always show an increase of love afterwards. We give them a hug or some words of praise or other positive words.

Moderator: Mr. Miller what do you think about spanking?

Mr. Miller: Well, I disagree with Mrs. Wood. As far as I’m concerned, the time-out method works best. Children have a very difficult time controlling their emotions. That leads to inappropriate behavior. So we give our children a time-out. We take them out of the situation. We put them on a special time-out chair in the corner of the kitchen. They have to sit there until their emotions are under control. Sometimes, it only lasts for a minute or two. Other times, it lasts for 20 to 30 minutes. This time-out gives them time to calm down. They think about their behavior and why it was inappropriate. We talk to them afterwards. We make sure that they understand. Their behavior was inappropriate. They must think of positive ways to express their emotions. Time-out definitely improves behavior in our home.

Moderator: Mrs. Beal, do you think that spanking is a good form of discipline?

Mrs. Beal: No, I don’t. I have never spanked my children. I just don’t think a child ever should be hit. We should be teaching our children how to avoid violent behavior. If we, as parents, hit them, how can we expect them not to hit each other?

Moderator: So then, what is your preferred method of discipline?

Mrs. Beal: Well, I prefer the love-and-logic method. In this method, our children make choices, either good or bad. Then consequences are applied. There is no yelling or spanking. There is very little frustration for the parents. For instance, our three-year-old was using inappropriate behavior at the dinner table. After several tries to get him to stop, we gave him a choice. He could eat at the table with good manners or he could go to his room without dinner. At first, he chose to go to his room. He could play. He could do whatever he wanted. But then, he realized something: he wasn’t going to get any food in his room. After a while, he decided to go back to the table. Good behavior at the dinner table brought better consequences—like a full stomach. No one got upset. Afterward, we could enjoy our meal together again. We don’t have a perfect family without fighting or contention. Our method of discipline lends itself to less frustration, anger, and yelling for the parents. At the same time, we teach our children responsibility and good behavior.