To Bind Up the Broken Hearted
In Tolkien’s trilogy, The Lord of The Rings, there is a conversation towards the end of the book between Gandalf and Frodo. Frodo frankly acknowledges the impact his long quest has had upon him. He questions his ability to heal from the injuries inflicted and to truly find rest.
“Alas, there are some wounds that cannot be wholly cured,” said Gandalf.
“I fear it may be so with mine,” said Frodo. “There is no real going back. Though I may come to the Shire, it will not seem the same: for I shall not be the same. I am wounded with knife, sting and tooth, and a long burden. Where shall I find rest?”
As a psychotherapist, I am interested in the business of long burdens. How we carry them and how we think about them. I have seen many people wonder if burdens are the result of their own intrinsic badness or as a punishment from God. Perhaps we imagine that we can work so hard that we will never have to rely upon anyone to help us and therefore never have to feel the vulnerability of our own mortal weakness. We end up ditching mercy in the hope that our very best efforts will be enough to redeem us.
This thinking represents some ways in which we might be seeking to make sense of the difficulties and troubles in life. A means of shifting the burden, so to speak, to make the carrying of it less wearisome. I might say to myself - If I can believe I am responsible, or that God is angry or disappointed with me, then perhaps I can just get on with it, stop whining about it and endure to the end. After all, that’s why we are here.
Is it?
Is it possible to be impacted by the reality that life is often unfair, painful and overwhelming and still hold out for joy? Can we allow ourselves to know that our struggle to feel joy at times, years even, does not represent a failure of faith? Is it possible to hold these two contrary ideas together and be curious about our own particular response to such challenges?
Many solutions have been offered over the years and by people much wiser than me. But I offer this story. I hope it will help.
One day, some years ago, when the youngest of my nephews was about 5, I received a phone call from his brother, 3 years his senior. “Now, Aunty Sarah,” the voice on the phone said, “you mustn’t be cross.”
Uh oh, I thought.
“R wants to talk to you, he’s very upset.”
A very sniffly voice came on the line. “Aunty Sarah, I’ve spent all of your money!”
Let me pause to explain the back story. In the days of angry birds and me being a very cool aunt, I had given my nephews access to my bank account (I know!), with strict instructions that they stick to the agreed budget and always pay me back with their pocket money at the end of the month.
This agreement had largely been honoured.
“What happened R?”
“I pressed the thing to buy the game and it didn’t work and so I pressed it a few more times, and now I’ve spent ALL of your money!”
“How much have you spent?”
“£30!”
As it turns out, I had £35 in the bank, so all was well, but here’s the point. In the light of his overwhelming distress and remorse, I would have done anything to comfort him. I did everything to console him that he had not, in fact, spent all of my money. And that if he had, his father and I would have sorted it out. Over and over, I reassured him that although terrible and enormous to him, what he had done was fixable and he could leave it with me. I told him all was well, that these app things are tricky to work when you’re 5 and that I loved him.
He stopped crying and after a time, we ended the call.
In that moment, I believe I felt some measure of the power and depth of God’s love for all of us, when we seek Him in utter despair and humility. When all feels hopeless. When the long burden feels too much to bear.
I had a glimpse into all that our Heavenly Parents must feel for us. I would have done anything to comfort and console my nephew. I didn’t care about the money, I only wished to reassure him. We know that the Saviour feels the same about us. May we learn to trust and believe that He will do, in fact has done, all that is necessary to carry the burden for us.
“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;
To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” (Isaiah 61:1-3)