When My Perfect Plan Fell Apart, Christ Helped Me Rebuild

Part of the perfect life I’d imagined was a picturesque temple marriage. When I met my future husband, we were both active in the Church, so we assumed everything would work out. We got married quickly, without having many crucial conversations.

After our wedding, he turned out to be a very different person than I’d thought. He still attended church but was emotionally abusive and dishonest at home.

Around this time, I stumbled upon anti-Church material and was consumed by doubt and bitterness about the gospel.

I vowed I would never attend church, read the Book of Mormon, go to the temple, or talk to a priesthood leader ever again. I had done all these things my whole life, and look how it was turning out!

I know now that I spiraled so easily because my testimony rested on my expectations for my life, not on Jesus Christ.

There were two difficult events in my life that made me realize I needed to change.

First, a beloved cousin died. At her funeral, I felt the Spirit telling me it was time to go back to church. I didn’t want to! But I had a strong feeling that my cousin was also telling me I needed to return to my faith.

Second, as the emotional abuse continued, my husband and I parted ways. I felt protected by angels throughout our divorce. I was shocked that I was witnessing miracles when I was experiencing the worst things that had ever happened to me.

For the first time in a long time, I prayed and asked Heavenly Father what He wanted me to do, begging Him to save me from my broken heart and poor choices.

And that was when I finally realized I needed to come to know Jesus Christ.

Going back to church wasn’t easy. At first, I felt I didn’t belong there.

I felt the way Sister Kristin M. Yee, Second Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency, described when she tried to paint a picture of Savior. Thinking the paint was dry, she applied a varnish to the surface. But the paint was still wet, and much of her work was smeared and wiped away.

I felt the same despair and hopelessness in my situation that she felt about her painting—like I couldn’t be restored.

But Sister Yee’s mom told her, “‘You won’t get back what you had, but do the very best you can with what you’ve got.’”

That’s what Jesus Christ does this with each of us. He can meet us where we are and help us become something beautiful.

With guidance from my bishop, I began truly studying and learning about Jesus Christ for the first time. I felt the Savior tutoring me every step of the way.

I learned that everyone is broken in some way. But Jesus Christ can heal all of us—including me and my ex-husband.

Learning about the forgiveness and love of my Savior made me want it for myself, and as I healed, I also began wanting it for my ex-husband. Over time, I forgave him.

When I returned to the temple, I was astounded at the love I felt. I had a completely different experience going to the temple for myself and to focus on my Redeemer, instead of just to keep up appearances.

If this experience has taught me anything, it’s that Jesus Christ lives. He lifts the broken. He and our Heavenly Father listen to our desperate cries in the night when no one else is aware of the pain we can’t escape. He is always waiting for us to return to Him.

Sister Yee also said, “The redeeming power of Jesus Christ is one of the greatest promised blessings of our covenants.”

Whatever you might be going through, trust me when I say that being redeemed isn’t just a beautiful fairytale ending. It’s real. You can be redeemed. You can restore your faith.

This is what happens when you fully, truly, and willingly allow Christ into your life.

That’s what He’s done for me.